OkCupid Novels

Should I continue with the posts? Some are just ridiculous! This guy is a straight-up novelist. Never mind the fact that his screen name is "J*&@^#$622," but he explains, "I'm not actually Jewish (although Asian Jews do exist). I'm an honorary one since I went to a predominantly Jewish high school." Right. Ok. 


Well, here's his message from January 28th:


Hi, 

First, best of luck with your move into the city. Where are you coming from? Are you moving here straight from working in Zambia? By the way, two friends of mine worked for Grassroot Soccer shortly after my own graduation in 2008. They were situated in Zambia and South African and I highly regret not joining them for at least a short period of time. I chose to teach China's National youth tennis program with a college teammate of mine in rural China instead. Eh.. the grass is always greener I guess... 

Backgammon is the shit. I currently work alongside various stock traders, art dealers, and professional poker players and so betting and competing in various game mediums is a regular part of the job. In the event you are a semi-serious player, I highly recommend http://www.gnubg.org/ since it basically tells you what the correct move every step of the way is. I am a huge dork sometimes btw. 

A an integral experience shared by my group of friends in the city is the one New Year's Party we shared several years back in which a large bowl of bouilabaise was unfortunately hidden underneath a couch only to be discovered several days later. The overpowering smell of rotting seafood and the hideous look rotting monkfish was our most unpleasant collective memory to say the least. 

I wholly agree with your gastronomical school of thought. Everything should be tried once. Congrats on being an open minded individual. I have eaten everything you mentioned except snake blood. Chicken feet are delicious, especially in dim sum form. You seem smart enough to not need a guide in the city, but if you ever need a good recommendation for any of the spicier ethnic cuisines you mentioned, feel free to ask. Have you ever tried Szechuan food? 

Anyway, I'm Jeff and feel free to read my profile and ask me any questions you may have for me. I'd be happy to answer them. Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon. 

-J.


Followed by (on the same day):


By the way, if you ever do become an international food itinerant, my favorite culinary travel destination was the Kansai region in Japan. Non-sushi Japanese food is amazing and as someone who also strongly believes that local food establishments are often the highlight of traveling, Kyoto and Kurama had some of the best to offer. Okonomiyaki and authentic ramen are undervalued foods by far. 

Sriracha is divine too. 

-J.


I didn't respond. Too lengthy. Too much investment on his part. That's weird online, in my books at least. Then THREE days later I get another:


Fine, fine... so I'm going to write more about myself since that's clearly what your silence is signaling for me to do! Free free to respond or shoo me away. Advice would be appreciated? 

A bunch of changes have occurred these past few weeks... but change is 
good (I think). I received a really good job offer downtown from a rival hedge fund (quick clarification: Yes, I do work in finance, but I have done more socially providing jobs in my past and I have hobbies outside of buying and selling things for profit...) and, after much internal debate, I decided to take it. I'm generally excited about the change. I heard a lot of good things about this new firm and they seemed pretty enthusiastic about me too. The guys in this new place were a bit older than me, smart, and of similar backgrounds as me. I think they'll be a group of people who I'd be able to learn a ton about trading from and also get along with. I found it kind of comforting to meet a group of people who were similar in background, personality, work-ethic, and competance as me; it was if I was meant to be at this new firm. 

However, like most major changes, this one does not come without a fair amount of anxiety. I worry that I might be giving up a great current job for one that might turn out worse than expected. I really like my current job-- the pay is good, I'm partner there, and I get to wear sweatpants to work (!). Who knows how great this new place will be? I have no idea if I'll be able to do as well of a job in this new firm. I have no idea if I'll be able to replicate my trading performance at this new hedge fund. Even worse, I'll have no idea if I'll be learning the useful information that I came to this new firm to learn. In a few months, there is a fair chance that I'll regret my decision to make this change. 

However, I feel in my gut that changing firms and taking this offer is the right thing to do. This was a place that I sought after for some time and now having gotten the job, I feel like I'm just going through some natural doubt and hesitation. I guess in some ways I fear change a bit. But, I'm telling myself to not be such a bitch (in short). As someone who is 25 and fairly ambitious, I think taking this opportunity to invest in myself and learn from a group of people who are smarter and more experienced than me is the right thing to do. I generally feel that people who are under the age of 28 should take as many risks as possible. If this enormous risk that I'm taking works out... then great! I just made the best decision of my life. If not... then 
whatever, I'm still young and there is a non-zero chance that I can always go back to my old firm. So... I hope for the best. 

Aside from work, I'm trying to think of something to say about myself that isn't already in my profile... I recently took up boxing and I recently lost a bet with a trader that resulted in me signing up for salsa lessons? I think putting yourself in uncomfortable new situations is often a good thing to do. Why not try new things? I'm generally pretty open-minded about most areas of my life, so why not hobbies as well? I looked like an ass in my first day of each activity... but that's part of the fun! 

So that's what's up with me. 

Where did you go to school in Maine? Are you back in the city? What do you currently do? Hobbies? Do you regularly look like a Christmas tree or Ms. Frizzle? 

Hope to hear from you, 

-.


Again, I didn't respond. Then, he slyly manipulated my Achilles' heel into answering. On February 9th he writes:


Since you don't seem like the biggest fan of replying, I would like to at least ask... where is that photo on the mountain? I have 3 months off from work (I'm switching firms but not switching fields. I got a sweet offer and as someone who's of the belief that under-28-year-olds should be taking as many risks as possible at this age, I took it with the caveat that they give me... 3 months off prior to starting!) and I would like a vacation destination. Where did you take that photo? 
Hope to hear from you soon!


-.


I write back:
It's Table Mountain, in Cape Town, South Africa. Great place to visit, I really liked South Africa and traveling around that neck of the woods is wonderful if you're adventurous. Take advantage of it, and have fun!


And then I receive another novel:
Thanks for the vacation suggestion and I'll be sure to take it into consideration. It fits well with my general aim to spend as little time in NYC during the winter season. 

Since you seem to have an aversion to generic profile writing, I'll at least try to provide you a somewhat humorous story, one that you'll appreciate as an "adventurous eater". I was in Tokyo with one of my travel companions and we're having a pretty delightful breakfast sampling the morning sushi catches in the fisherman's market when my friend comes running up to me with "shiraku" which my friend translated as white cod roe, a spring delicacy in Tokyo during that time of year. My friend and I tried it and it was actually quite the tasty delicacy; it was creamy yet tart, milky in texture yet the eggs had some firm heft to it. It was an odd combination of characteristics that made the dish pretty unique and worth having. Unfortunately, my friend's Japanese was in a pretty rudimentary state and his translation for shiraku was slightly off. I went home that evening and, to my horror, discovered that "shiraku" actually means "cod semen" and I immediately regretting eating my 5th serving only hours ago. Do you have a gastronomical adventure that beats that? 

Anyway, I realize I keep bothering you but I really enjoyed your profile. You seem like a smart, social, outgoing, and good-looking girl and I would like to get to know more of you. If you'd like, feel free to read my profile and ask me any questions you might have for me. In summary, I think I'm a smart, friendly, and reasonably guy who currently works in finance and as a tennis coach. Even though I work somewhat generic jobs, I think I lived it up my first year and a half out of college with several 1-4 month trips to Barcelona, Shanghai, Tokyo, Prague, Aruba, and other places. At least I know how to spend my 20s! Anyway, if you'd like to know more about me, please feel free. Otherwise, let me know and I'll leave you be. 

Take care for now and enjoy your weekend. 

-.


Long story short boys, if she's not responding to your novels with novels of her own, chance are she's not interested.