After several glasses of wine and some dinner with a friend, I took the metro home at about 11:30. I was alone and buzzed slightly, although I certainly still had my wits about me - it was nothing wild and crazy. I got off the metro at my stop, and as I was traipsing toward the escalator I noticed a young man pressed up tightly and passionately against a phone booth on the middle of the platform. Normally I would have kept walking without a second glace and I don't know what made me act differently this time, but something made me do a double take; for some reason, I was compelled to look a touch harder. When I did, I saw him holding a syringe - the plunger depressed - at about waist height. It took me a few seconds to process what was going on: he had just shot up in the manicured DC metro stop.
I was immensely conflicted. Where does my "job" begin and where does it end? I hope to live what I preach, I would like to believe that I do, but at that moment I was completely flabbergasted and had no idea what action to take. Part of me was tempted to write our hotline phone number on my card and slip it to him, saying or writing, "We do syringe exchange if you ever want clean works." At the same time though, I wasn't sure what was appropriate - I was alone, I was buzzed, I'm a scrappy and tough cookie but by no means strong, and not only was he high, but he has just shot up - talk about buzzkiller, right? All these elements made me feel like it was inappropriate to approach him at that very moment. So I didn't. But then afterwards I felt guilty; I felt irresponsible; I felt like I hadn't held up my side of the bargain in being in my line of work. I was divided, and I still kind of am. We expect doctors to step in when someone gets hurt on the street or sick on a plane. We expect lawyers to observe and to testify if they see something against the law. But where do the rest of us come in? How do we live out what we stand for at work versus what is appropriate in day-to-day life? If we fail to live out what we claim to believe, can we really believe it at all? Tell me what you think - I'm genuinely curious to hear the opinions of others on this subject...
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On another note...Holy cow - the verdict is out! GOODmaker announced it Thursday, and HIPS After Dark is the winner of their mini-grant!! I am personally moved and overwhelmed by the incredible support of my friends and extended networks - the idea that a couple of clicks of a mouse can translate into true change for a community blows my mind. But THANK YOU for voting, for spreading the word, and for mobilizing for change in order to deliver essential harm reduction services to the streets of DC. You should all be very proud:)
Check out the "official" announcement at http://purpose.maker.good.is/projects/HIPSAfterDark
Much love,
Maxime, Jonathan, and the entire HIPS crew
Max, I have a ton of things to say about this but very little time. First off, I am super proud of the person you've become. That said, I worked as a street worker in NDG for two years giving out clean gear. I also gave out gear on-site at the two jobs I held previously. First off you absolutely did the right thing by not intervening in that situation. There are many reasons for this. For one, he was using, yes, but he did not appear to be in any immediate danger right? Think of the streets as your client's living room. It's not always ok to approach people when they seem to want to be left alone. If he had been overdosing, it would be another story. Then any decent human being should help regardless of their job. But to walk up to someone in a phone booth who just injected is actually violating their space. If the guy wasn't overdosing, there was no need to act. Second, and most importantly, you need to feel safe all of the time. Don't ever walk into a situation that makes you uncomfortable or scared. Always go with your gut, which in this case said to stay away. Your safety is the most important thing, no exceptions. Also, you need to draw a line from where "work you" ends and "private you" begins. If not, you will get burnt out very easily trying to save the whole world. You can't save anyone if you don't first take good care of your own needs, which include the need to have downtime and have drinks with your friends. Yes doctors intervene in emergency situations when they are off duty, but they would not walk up to someone in the subway who was coughing and give them a prescription for antibiotics. Everyone has their limits. This is long and rambly and I don't have time to read it over since I'm getting ready for work, but please get in touch with me so we can keep this dialogue going. I could go on for days about these things because it's what I've been living for years. I hope this helps, and I hope you can believe that in this case, not intervening was the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteDear Maya,
DeleteThank you so much for your thoughtful, insightful and extremely wise comments. Your analogy to a doctor is perfect, and something that I hadn't considered. You are totally right on all fronts, and hearing it from someone who's be in the field longer than I have been is important, redeeming and truly special. I feel like you and I would have a ton of stuff to talk about, now more than ever! How are you liking your job these days? I'm so sorry we never got to connect while I was in the city – I don't know what happened, but those four months totally flew away from me. Shoot me an email or a Facebook message when/if you have the time, it would be awesome to hear more about what you're up to:)
Much love,
Max