Conflicted Witness - what to do when your values come up against your comfort zone?

Last Wednesday night, I was in a position that left me totally torn. Confused. Stumped.

After several glasses of wine and some dinner with a friend, I took the metro home at about 11:30. I was alone and buzzed slightly, although I certainly still had my wits about me - it was nothing wild and crazy. I got off the metro at my stop, and as I was traipsing toward the escalator I noticed a young man pressed up tightly and passionately against a phone booth on the middle of the platform. Normally I would have kept walking without a second glace and I don't know what made me act differently this time, but something made me do a double take; for some reason, I was compelled to look a touch harder. When I did, I saw him holding a syringe - the plunger depressed - at about waist height. It took me a few seconds to process what was going on: he had just shot up in the manicured DC metro stop.

I was immensely conflicted. Where does my "job" begin and where does it end? I hope to live what I preach, I would like to believe that I do, but at that moment I was completely flabbergasted and had no idea what action to take. Part of me was tempted to write our hotline phone number on my card and slip it to him, saying or writing, "We do syringe exchange if you ever want clean works." At the same time though, I wasn't sure what was appropriate - I was alone, I was buzzed, I'm a scrappy and tough cookie but by no means strong, and not only was he high, but he has just shot up - talk about buzzkiller, right? All these elements made me feel like it was inappropriate to approach him at that very moment. So I didn't. But then afterwards I felt guilty; I felt irresponsible; I felt like I hadn't held up my side of the bargain in being in my line of work. I was divided, and I still kind of am. We expect doctors to step in when someone gets hurt on the street or sick on a plane. We expect lawyers to observe and to testify if they see something against the law. But where do the rest of us come in? How do we live out what we stand for at work versus what is appropriate in day-to-day life? If we fail to live out what we claim to believe, can we really believe it at all? Tell me what you think - I'm genuinely curious to hear the opinions of others on this subject...

*            *            *

On another note...

Holy cow - the verdict is out! GOODmaker announced it Thursday, and HIPS After Dark is the winner of their mini-grant!! I am personally moved and overwhelmed by the incredible support of my friends and extended networks - the idea that a couple of clicks of a mouse can translate into true change for a community blows my mind. But THANK YOU for voting, for spreading the word, and for mobilizing for change in order to deliver essential harm reduction services to the streets of DC. You should all be very proud:)

Check out the "official" announcement at http://purpose.maker.good.is/projects/HIPSAfterDark

Much love,
Maxime, Jonathan, and the entire HIPS crew

LAST PUSH for the GOODmaker grant!

I'm so sorry to write annoying messages, but we're in SECOND PLACE for the GOODmaker grant - only ONE MORE SPOT and less than 24 hours to go, and we need your help!

Please vote for us and blast it to your networks - it makes a massive difference since this one is SOLELY based on # of votes!

http://purpose.maker.good.is/projects/HIPSAfterDark?sort=popular

Oh my goodness, Ms. Paula is the fierce-est. She's featured in HIPS' newest informational video on how to VOTE for HIPS on GOODmaker. Send Ms. Paula's message far and wide!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY5KWB-I574&feature=plcp

Rollin' in the HIPS Van - a first go at overnight mobile outreach

HIPS has been a wild ride so far, in the best way possible. You know that feeling when you're traveling somewhere new for the first time and you feel like you have four million things to write, three million things to process and two million extra things to consider? I feel like that, but I haven't been traveling all that far.

I went on my first mobile outreach about two Saturdays ago, and I have yet to write about it here. From 11PM to 5 or 6 AM on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, trained volunteers drive around DC in the HIPS van providing people with condoms, lube, safer sex supplies, safer injection supplies, candy, drinks, HIV testing, and emotional support often in the form of micro-counseling. We work with male, female and transsexual sex workers and with anyone else who we might happen to come across. My night out, most people were extremely open and receptive - some were thrilled to see us and chat, others just got their supplies and moved on - but I never felt threatened or unsafe. We stay in the car and have some strict protocols in place, so there are always ways out of potentially uncomfortable situations.

There are areas we go that are typically known as "trans strolls," and other areas that appeared to attract more cis gendered workers. Since it was my first shift, I had oodles to learn from my team members. Usually we're four to a shift, but this shift we were just three: the driver (and team leader), the one in the "hot seat" aka the passenger's seat, and me packing supplies and taking down some basic info like the number of people reached in a night. Watching the way my team members talked with our clients, engaged them, led them towards harm reduction conversations so naturally was super inspiring. I made sure to take note of how they opened conversations ("Does anybody want free condom, candy,  lube, clean needles, lemonade?!"), how they engaged our clients ("It's so great that you're taking care of your sexual health!"), and turned them towards talking about harm reduction ("What do you like about condoms/lube/flavored lube?"). The conversations progressed naturally from there.

The most memorable part of the night for me happened later on. It was about 5 or 5:30ish in the morning and after observing all night, it was my turn in the hot seat. This time we went to the cis gender female stroll, and pulled up to find one woman leaned over with her forearms on the window of a cop car, unclear if they were just chatting, if she was in trouble, or if it was something more. Another woman was standing far behind her looking wide-eyed and deer-like. I called out to her our night's catchphrase, "Free condoms, lube, clean needles!" and in keeping with the startled-ness of a deer in the headlights, for a moment she didn't seem like she knew where to go. The first woman - the one leaning over the cop car - established herself as the seasoned pro and waved her over in our direction. She came up to the car and I quickly saw that life's edge had done little to weather her pale blue eyes and blonde hair - she was very pretty and very young. Extravagant fake lashes only helped the wide-eyed look.

We talked a bit and I asked how her night was going. "Not good," she responded, "I'm still out here!" She mentioned that she was new to this and new in town, moving around to different cities. We gave her lots of condoms and lube and offered a bunch of our other supplies (dental dams, finger cots, flavored lube, etc.), then asked her if she wanted a bad date sheet. Our bad date sheet is a handout we update weekly detailing bad experiences sex workers have had with johns, and certain distinguishing characteristics (e.g. young white man, 30-35, dark hair, about 6 feet tall in a blue car. Goes by "___." Pulled a knife on her while doing it from behind.) She didn't know what it was at first, but after we explained it to her and handed her one, she went, "Ohhh, this is great - I wish they had this at the last place I was at..." trailing off towards the end

It didn't hit me until afterwards, but her statement was ominous and chilling; what happened where she was last? I wanted to support her, to ask if she wanted to talk about it or if she was okay, but she kept on and kept moving, and that was that.


On a last note, PLEASE vote for HIPS in these two contests - they're done on Wednesday and we have a very real shot at getting it, but only if you VOTE!

http://purpose.maker.good.is/projects/HIPSAfterDark?sort=popular
and
http://workonpurpose.echoinggreen.org/questions/4ffddbf24c41b00aee00020a/answers/5021d3ee4c41b04a84001eff

GOOD Grant

Happy Monday! One more pestering message - essentially the same proposal as what we sent earlier this week and it's a linked grant, but it's for double the $, which would allow HIPS to train even more peer educators, and guarantee that they would be able to spend more nights on the overnight outreach van! It genuinely takes about 30 seconds of your time, and is easier to figure out than the other link - just click the pink "Vote For This Idea" button at the top of the page, and connect with Facebook, Twitter or just your email address.


http://purpose.maker.good.is/projects/HIPSAfterDark?sort=popular

If nothing else, click here to watch an awesome YouTube video of two of our trans peer educators.

Lastly, if you haven't yet voted for the Echoing Green "Work on Purpose" Grant, please do here, and please check out the proposals of the other GHC fellows! 

http://workonpurpose.echoinggreen.org/questions/4ffddbf24c41b00aee00020a/answers/5021d3ee4c41b04a84001eff 

Thank you immensely - this REALLY makes a difference in HIPS' capacity and what we're able to provide for our client base.

Please pass this on to family and friends and encourage them to vote - this one is SOLELY based on # of votes, so the more the merrier!

Thanks!

Maxime, Jonathan and the HIPS crew


Check us out on Twitter @HIPSDC, "like" us on Facebook, follow us on Tumblr http://hips-dc.tumblr.com/, and peep at our website www.hips.org

HIPS After Dark: SPREAD THE WORD

Dear Blogsphere:
I know times are tough, and I realize many of you lead busy lives. But it is time to mobilize. I ask you, dear readers—of whom I’ve asked so little in the past—to reblog this wonderful link like crazy. Please “like” a recent posting HIPS has made on the Echoing Green website. This $500 grant will be an invaluable tool to improve HIPS’ outreach efforts to (trans*) sex work communities. Anything you can do to help—from reblogging, positing this link on facebook, blasting it on twitter, tattooing it on your forearm—would be so so so helpful.
We have worked hard and feel proud of the work we have accomplished at HIPS. Please, consider helping out.
<3 Max and Jonathan

Please please help us in our efforts to raise vital funds for our program. We’d be ETERNALLY grateful. And we may or may not make it rain with condoms and safer sex supplies should we win…

First Day Jitters

Picture this: it's your first day on the job, you woke up on a couch and/or air mattress on the floor of a packed living room with your three other co-fellows, you have just come off two weeks of intense training that has been both mind blowing and intimidating since everyone who has spoken is highly accomplished and many are within15 years of your age, AND you're working directly with a population that will like you if you're lucky, but would have many reasons to hate/resent/dislike/not accept you.

Welcome to my first day at HIPS.

I wasn't as nervous as I could have been since Jonathan was by my side, I did walk into day one at HIPS a touch wide-eyed and surprised. Perhaps one of my favorite stories so far happened shortly thereafter.

The fellow who I am replacing, Eve, showed us the ropes and gave us a grand tour of the office. We then popped upstairs to check out the HIPS van that we use to do mobile outreach. Essentially it's a soccer-mom minivan with cool HIPS decals adorning the sides. Just as we were inspecting the vehicle, a woman walks by and says quite loudly, “Are y'all HIPS??” I couldn't read her tone – was it sassy? Happy? Accusatory? Excited? Admonishing?

“Uhhh, yes,” replied Eve. Jon and I were slightly dumbfounded and perhaps we nodded slightly.

“I just wanted to tell you,” she drawled and then paused – what was coming next? “That I think you're great! I used to be a prostitute, my best friend is STILL a prostitute, but I have a real job now. You guys helped me so much, I think you're great. Keep doin' whatcha doin'!”

Talk about validation and pride when we were feeling shaky on our first day!

We Are HIPStars! (and we like puns)

Oh goodness me! I am a terrible blogger apparently - these past few months have flown by and blogging fell through the cracks. I'm so sorry! I also contemplated starting a new blog for this year (I'm in DC - more on that in a second), but couldn't fathom asking people to follow me at a different address for a THIRD time, so although "Salt and Balsamic" doesn't inherently refer to the non-profit world, global health, advocacy for sex workers and injecting drug users, or advocacy, I feel like keeping it despite the anachronism.

So, DC? What am I up to here? Fabulous question. I'm here for the year on a Global Health Corps (GHC) fellowship. GHC places "emerging leaders in global health" at local non-profits in the United States and in parts of Africa. As a Canadian, I couldn't apply for the positions in Africa, so technically I'm their international applicant (which is funny to me, considering how much time I've spent in the US these past 6 years, but regardless...). GHC seeks to mobilize the next generation of global health leaders. According to their website:

GHC believes that a global movement of individuals and organizations fighting for improved health outcomes and access to healthcare for the poor is necessary in order to change the unacceptable status quo of extreme inequity. GHC works to strengthen this movement by recruiting, training, and supporting the movement’s future leaders, diversifying the pool of young people working in global health, and amplifying the impact of individuals through the formation of a strong community of leaders.

GHC provides opportunities for young professionals from diverse backgrounds to work on the frontlines of the fight for global health equity in year-long fellowships. Our fellows have a measurable impact on the health of the communities in which they work, and draw upon that experience and the GHC alumni network to deepen their impact throughout their careers.So where does that leave me? After an intense two weeks of training at Yale (which I wish I could detail for you here, but I'd certainly lose readers), we're here in DC. Needless to say, the training was invigorating, inspiring, a little frightening (in a positive way! Frightening in the sense that we have the potential to make such a difference), and FUN! It re-lit the fire under my butt to doggedly pursue justice for a cause I believe in - health equity, despite background, race, gender, lifestyle, etc.

I am placed at a non-profit called HIPS - Helping Individual Prostitutes Survive (www.hips.org) - with my co-fellow Jonathan (see picture below). HIPS works with male, female and transsexual sex workers and injecting drug users using a harm reduction model. Essentially, harm reduction is the idea that if individuals are engaging in potentially dangerous or harmful behaviors, we help support them to be as safe as possible. We do clean needle exchange, condom distribution, counseling, daytime syringe exchange, overnight mobile outreach in the HIPS van, etc.

From day 1, we were given a crash course in HIPS-related activities (the first crash course of many!). Our supervisor has been a total gem and an important guiding resource. She gave us a detailed explanation of the protocols, what the different needles are called, what the multitude of syringes are used for (injecting silicone, hormones, or drugs), and how the other supplies are used (cookers, bandaids, antiseptic, etc.). Yes, to a white girl from Montreal a lot of the info was new to me, but what struck me wasn't the plethora of supplies, but the degree of casualness (is that a word?) with which she explained these things to us, as though she were handing out samples of make-up or helping someone find the right kind of cough syrup. She was open, normalizing, and wholly non-judgmental, both to us as newbies and to the people who came in asking for works (AKA syringes and accompanying materials). I certainly have a ton to learn, but the community here is so warm, positive and affirming, I'm already excited for the journey!

You can keep up with the newly started HIPS blog hips-dc.tumblr.com, "like" us on Facebook, or follow us on Twitter @HIPSDC

More on my first daytime needle exchange and an awesome story that happened our first day here in a later post, but until then here's a laughable photo of me and Jonathan at the HIPS fundraiser our first Thursday here for the International AIDS Conference. Yes, I put fake eyelashes on him. He looks fab, don't you think?